kristin has been a bad kristin
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
