Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
