Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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