When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
