He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
