when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Rumble strips road head = magical
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
