im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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