he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
