marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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