omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
