Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
