I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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