i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
