Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
