I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
