How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
