I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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