There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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