I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
