walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
