ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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