I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
The uberlube is also flammable
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
