We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
