There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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