A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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