i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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