do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
