You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
