Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
