I feel like abortions should bother me more
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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