Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
