Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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