I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
