Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
