I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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