So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
