I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
