Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
