Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
