Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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