Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
