Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
