I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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