this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
