we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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