i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
