Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
