Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
