Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
