I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
